Expecto Patronum

While serving an LDS mission, I made many friends with a variety of talents. One of my companions happened to be a remarkable artist. I have plenty of "Sister Shipley Originals" hung all over my room. Over the past few months I've been working my way out of a 'funk' and I needed something, because chocolate and ice cream could only take me so far. So I contacted my friend Becca Shipley and requested a custom drawing depicting myself surrounded by Dementors while casting a patronus. This is the beautiful creation I received in the mail the other day:

Ink and Watercolor by Rebecca Shipley (Find her on Etsy)

J. K. Rowling created a terribly beautiful simile when she penned the Dementors. They symbolize depression and its effects on each of us. When she created the patronus, hope lit up the pages as we read about how Harry learns to stand and face the dementors on his own. She inspired a whole nation of readers to believe that depression doesn't have to be the end, no matter how much it sucks, literally.

Demented at the Match - Pottermore.com

In my further studies about dementors and patronuses (see Pottermore.com) I learned that not every witch or wizard can produce a patronus, let alone a corporeal patronus (the full animal form). In cases such as these, they have to rely on others who can. Even then, the charm is lifted once it has served its purpose. The effects that result from an attack can be treated with doses of chocolate. Chocolate is even less of a permanent solution than a patronus is, and can do no lasting good in the event of a dementor attack. For example, there have been plenty of times where I'm mentally in a low, dark place, and I've been able to pull myself out of it. That hasn't been the case all the time however. I've had to turn to my parents, friends, religious leaders, for help. It's never easy to do so, either. It's a very humbling process, to admit that you can't pull yourself out. Take it from someone who knows, it's so much sweeter to be pulled out by any means than to just leave yourself in the dark.

Snape's Patronus - Pottermore.com

Depression means many different things to everyone, however the affects are generally the same. I know that my experiences may not be what the next person is going through, but know that whoever you may be, whatever you are dealing with right now, you don't have to do it alone. Keep a store of happy memories, the kind the automatically make you smile when they are reminisced. It's okay to keep plenty of chocolate on hand, but know that the memories we make with the people we love are what truly repels the darkness.

Expecto Patronum

I am alone in a darkened room.

The mist adheres to me like static on my robes

It seems that the darkness wants to consume me.

I feel hopeless, helpless.

I'm too tired and weak to cry.

What happened, that made this room so dark?

Why do I feel so much despair?

Cloaks billow, circling my still form like vultures,

They whisper lies, piercing my heart like broken glass.

What's the point? They just tolerate you.

You don't have a purpose here.

Horrors and nightmares of my past flicker before my eyes

I feel my happiness slowly being sucked away.

I am becoming a hollow shell.

I want it to be over.

Why isn't it over?

I don't really want this...

No! This has to stop now!

Using every ounce of strength I have left

I reach as far as my memory will allow

for something.

Anything!

It's hard to remember the last time I felt happy...and then...

Finally!

I stand, wand out -

EXPECTO PATRONUM!

Breathless, I watch as my patronus emerges from my wand

chasing away the darkness, the mist, the dementors.

I'm still alone, tired, weak.

A new resolve burns within my soul.

However, this is not over.

I feel the warmth of the light, for now.

For I know they will attack again.

I am alone in a crowded room.

So much energy. So many happy people.

Laughter fills the room. I have no part in it.

I feel like a failure. What have I done with my life?

These thoughts flutter around my numbed brain.

My heart is broken, beaten, stepped on

by my own heavy feet

that drag as I carry my burdened soul.

Exhausted, unmotivated, shattered,

everything inside me halts like a broken machine.

I want it to be over.

I almost want them to come.

To finish me off.

I lie there, empty, listless.

Darkness is looming,

The mist feels cool on my skin.

My eyes close as I prepare to accept a life of nothingness.

EXPECTO PATRONUM!

My eyes flood with light

I look up and see wands in the air

My best friend, my teacher, my neighbor,

My mother, my father.

The darkness flees, cloaks billow away as the light chases

and surrounds me with its warmth.

I still feel pain. I'm doubtful this light will last.

I fear the darkness will come back.

But by my own light, or by the light of others,

It. Will. Not. Win.

The beautiful, happy memories I make with these people,

they fuel my patronus,

and we will be ready in case the darkness returns.

**Special Thanks:

My father and mother for their constructive criticism

Becca for her astounding talents

Countless friends and family who have offered thoughts and feedback