The "Christmas Story"
By: Elder Blume and Elder Haley
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
with hopes that Saint Nicolas soon would be there.
Two Elders came in from a long, hard day's night,
of thrusting their sickles with all of their might.
They had just been tracting on a cold, rain-soaked day,
and a handful of Born-Agains had chased them away.
So they kicked off their shoes and yanked off their ties,
stretched out their arms, and rubbed their tired eyes.
The tall one, named Blume, who towered overhead,
jumped into his jammies and crawled into bed.
The other, named Haley, with his head in his hand,
thought, "Can Santa find us, all the way in Mary-land?"
He turned out the light and said with a sigh,
"Merry Christmas, Elder Blume. You're such a great guy."
He paused for a moment, and said, "I know. Now go to bed."
And to bed he did go, and so they slept,
with dreams galore,
when Elder Blume had started to snore.
He dreamed of his family and home down in Utah.
And camping and dating some fine, mighty squaw.
And Haley, he dreamt of his days as a boy,
being raised on such foods as salmon and poi.
But little did they know as they both slept tight,
that good ol' Santa would be there that night.
And wouldn't you know it. It came from the sky,
a "Ho-Ho-Ho" was the famous old cry.
"On Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!"
Up on the house top, reindeer pause.
Out jumped good ol' Santa Claus.
His face was jolly and his hair was gray.
He couldn't take the chimney 'cause his belly was too big, eh?
So he crawled through the window and landed on the floor.
You figure he'd be smart enough to use the front door.
He lit up his pipe and sat on his bum,
where he saw a red pamphlet labeled: Word of Wisdom.
He read it and pondered, and prayed a bit too.
He had not known that he shouldn't smoke, nor chew.
And as he arose, the Elders woke up.
Elder Blume said "Hello." Said Haley, "Wassup?"
Now Santa was shocked and he started to flee,
But one Elder grabbed him and put him on his knee.
"What would YOU like for Christmas?" asked he.
Said Santa, "I just want what is best for me.
I've studied and pondered and now I realize
that what I really want is to be baptized."
"So, what you're saying," the Elder re-stated,
"is that you desire baptism?" He replied, "Yes," and waited.
They marveled and wondered at such a great sight,
and they taught 6 discussions to Santa Claus that night.
Then off to the river they went with great haste,
and went down to the water that came up to his waist.
He was baptized and confirmed and helped onto the bank.
He threw up his arms, and the Lord he did thank.
They returned to the house and loaded up
the sleigh with boxes of the Book of Mormon.
And Santa did say, "On Alma! On Mosiah! On Helaman and Nephi!
On Omni! On Lehi! On Mormon and Moroni!"
The Elders were stoked and they felt so alive.
They looked at each other and did a 'high-five'.
They heard Santa say as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!"
May we all have a wonderful Christmas, and remember that it's not about the presents, but about His presence.
Merry Christmas!
